Monday, 1 January 2007

Happy New Year

New Year, new resolutions. This is my first posting, I've decided to start a blog after reading other local bloggers such as Dane Valley Ted, Eastcliff Richard and even the political ruminations of Dave Green's Eastcliff Matters or Dr Moore's Thanet Life.

I'll write about whatever's on my mind (not much most of the time) so I thought I'd start with an issue that is national but put it in a very local perspective.

I know this happens everywhere but here at Tesco Extra in Broadstairs they insist on having a checkout dedicated to people with "Ten items or less" in their baskets. You don't have to be a business making millions a minute to know it should be "Ten items or fewer". (For those of you who might not be sure but care enough to read on ... generally you use 'fewer' when the items in question can be counted, and 'less' when they can't. For example I might take fewer holidays a year than you but where you go might have less air pollution. Not a great example but you see what I mean.) Sticking with Tesco's, although I think Asda just down the road are every bit as guilty, they sell "womens" and "mens" clothing! Let's see how this works; one man, two men, and three or more mens? They employ the best business brains in the country and they can't put an apostrophe in the right place. I ought to boycott the place but a man's got to eat.

The randomly scattered apostrophe rains down liberally on Thanet. There's a shop in Margate High Street that has a year round sign in its window proclaiming it has "video's for sale". If that wasn't bad enough, and it is, there's a temporary sign near the Boundary / Hereson Road junction offering "Christmas Tree's"! At least they didn't go too wild and slip a quick apostrophe into Christmas just to be on the safe side.

Just popping back to the shops for a minute there's a longstanding gripe I have with some of their promotional literature. First, why give us products that are '100% extra free', 'buy one get one free' and 'two for the price of one'? They mean the same thing, choose a description and stick with it, I'm easily confused. Plus they say "when it's gone, it's gone", dear me, as opposed to what, 'when it's gone don't worry it's just hiding, give it a minute and it'll be back? Put the sign over the cage of a recently deceased hamster and I could understand that you're trying to teach a child the truth held within the circle of life but seeing it over the top of a pyramid of cheap beans leaves me wondering.

Signs which are thoroughly well intentioned but just miss the spot by a touch are some of the funniest (big shops should know better). There are a couple of beauties of the 'looked fine at the time' variety in two of the island's church halls (for people unfamiliar with the geography of Thanet it was an island during Roman times and is still often referred to that way). One, in Broadstairs and widely used as a community centre, said on a sign pinned to the door "Wednesday evening slimmer's group, please use large double doors at side of building." Not so great for the members' self esteem but at least they put the apostrophe in the right place. Also, and this one was in Cliftonville when the building in question was having some work done, "Toilet out of order, please use floor below". I laughed so much I almost did exactly that!

To close (I'm not sure how long a blog posting ought to be) I'll mention a sign that's meant to be funny - and is. I see this on the rear doors of a van driving around Thanet and it says simply "We repair what your husband fixed". How true.